census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
