I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
