Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
