so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
