I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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