Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
