Nicole vs. Life
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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