I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
