Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
