Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
