I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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