upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
