Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
