Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
