i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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