My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
