We're facebook friends in real life
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
