After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
