I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
