It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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