Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
