When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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