Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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