Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
