I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
