I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
