rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize