Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
