He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
