; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
