Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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