So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
