You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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