That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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