Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
