Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
