A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
