after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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