Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
