STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
