a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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