Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
