Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
