so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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