If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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