you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize