I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
