Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize