So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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