WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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