She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
