Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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