It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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