i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize