She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
