Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
