I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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