Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
