I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
