i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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