you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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