thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
