I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize