well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's shark week go big or go home
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
