I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
