I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize