Christians are straight up FREAKS
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
