A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
