i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
